In God We Trust

Obama’s Pillow Talk Gets Him Impeached—a Fractured Fairy Tale

 

By Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon
DonaldHendon.com

Obama was so bored with being president, he started playing more and more golf, shooting more baskets, and sneaking off to Vegas more and more to party at his favorite gay bars, the Flex on West Charleston and Gipsy on Paradise Road. Even during his one-day work-week. And he started going more and more to the south pool at the Luxor on Temptation Sundays for their big LGBT pool party. He usually brought his gay buddy Kal Penn with him. The Secret Service disguised them so well, nobody ever knew they were in Vegas.

Here’s what happened on one of those trips, back in early 2012:

While Obama and Penn were engaged in pillow talk on the plane, Obama asked him for advice—after all, Obama once made him Associate Director in the White House office of Pubic Engagement.

Obama: You know, Kal, that damn Tea Party is spoiling everything for me! I’ve had to give up a lot of golf games and overseas trips so the news media will show me at the Oval Office more often.

Penn knew just what to say. He was good at telling Obama what he wanted to hear. That’s why Obama kept him around, even though he is so ugly. Here’s what Penn told him:

Barry, people don’t care if you’re at work or not. You’re gonna win re-election, even though you’re incompetent and clueless. You’re the biggest celebrity in the world, and people love celebrities! You know that! You’ve even told me that your favorite tactic from Don Hendon’s list of 365 influence tactics is Celebrity Power. (Note: Celebrity Power is in two of my books: Guerrilla Deal-Making, page 47, and 365 Powerful Ways to Influence, page 116.) So don’t sweat it—you’re gonna win re-election.

Obama: You mean I’m gonna steal the election! The closest races are in Michigan, Ohio, North Carolina, Florida, and Wisconsin last November. All I need is two or three million votes from those five states, and I’ll have another four years of the good life. And so will you!

Penn: How much will that cost?

Obama: Who knows, who cares. A billion here, a billion there. What difference does it make?

Penn: Why don’t you save yourself a lot of trouble and just take care of the Tea Party? You’re the most powerful person in the world—and the sexiest! It should be pretty easy, don’t you think?

Obama: Kal, you’ve given me an idea! I’ll get the IRS to audit them. Even if the IRS doesn’t dig up any dirt, it’ll scare the shit out of them! That’ll teach them to mess with the Big Kahuna!

Obama gets on the phone and talks to Steven Miller, head of the IRS. He talks in a low voice so Kal can’t hear what he’s saying.

Sure enough, a few days later, the IRS starts auditing the Tea Party and other conservative groups. And after that, the Justice Department started seizing telephone records of reporters who worked for the Associated Press.

Everything seemed to be going according to plan—Obama’s plan! The IRS started harassing members of the Tea Party. They even fed information to Obama himself. But Obama’s natural laziness meant no follow-up.

But Obama wasn’t prepared when the tax audit scandal broke in May 2013. And he wasn’t prepared for the next scandal which became big news a few days later—people learned that the Department of Justice grabbed two months of phone records from the Associated Press. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Even Democrats in the Senate and House decided they had enough. They were already pissed off at the cover-up of the Benghazi scandal and Obama’s trip to Vegas the next day. So leaders of both parties—even toady Harry Reid—got enough votes to impeach the guy and convict him. He was removed from office and sent to prison.

Then, things got worse. Clueless Joe Biden replaced him. North Korea took advantage of all the confusion and sent their missiles to Seattle, San Francisco, Los Angeles, and Las Vegas. Biden didn’t know what to do. Congress impeached and convicted him, too. He was sent to a nursing home because of his fragile mental condition. Fearless John Boehner took over, bombed the hell out of North Korea, and we all lived happily ever after. And to think all of this started with pillow talk between Obama and Kal Penn!

How about that! A fractured fairy tale with a happy ending! Stay tuned for more events, folks.

Copyright (c) 2013


Endnote: Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon is a consultant, speaker, trainer, and author of 10 books, including Guerrilla Deal-Making (with Jay Conrad Levinson) and 365 Powerful Ways to Influence. Deal-Making contains the 100 most powerful tactics from 365 Powerful Ways—along with 400 countermeasures. There are 121 aggressive tactics, 92 defensive ones, 24 cooperative ones, and 16 submissive ones to get what you want from other people. Plus 81 dirty tricks to watch out for and 31 tactics to prepare you for your interaction with them. Download Chapter 1, free of charge, at DonaldHendon.com. Play his free online Negotiation Poker game by going to GuerrillaDon.com. Apps will soon be available.