Obama One-Ups Putin by Stealing Another Super Bowl Ring—Another Fractured Fairy Tale
By
Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon
DonaldHendon.com
It’s September 1, 2013. Obama and Michelle are
talking about his trip to Sweden and Russia:
Michelle: Hey, big ears, whatcha gonna do in Sweden
and Russia?
Barry: Well, I really didn’t want to go at first.
Putin is always trying to get into a pissing contest
with me, and he always wins. He’s so macho.
Michelle: You still got the hots for Putin, baby?
Barry: Hell, yeah! He looked so hot in all those
pictures without his shirt. But he’s not interested
in me. So I’m taking Kal Penn with me. We always
have fun together.
Michelle: Yeah, you two have been together even
before you made him head of the White House Office
of Pubic Engagement back in 2009.
Barry: Yeah, even though he resigned in 2011, we
will see a lot of each other. He’s my special-weshul
guy, as you know. Hey, and he even set up a meeting
for me with the LGBT group in Russia that’s
protesting about something or other.
Michelle: You’ll feel more at home with the LGBT
group than you will with Putin, that’s for sure.
Barry: What are
you gonna
do when I’m in Sweden and Russia?
Michelle: I’m going back to the Shelbourne Hotel in
Dublin. The kids and I were there for a couple of
days in June. We booked 30 rooms. It cost the
taxpayers only $5 million.
Barry: Yeah, that was a lot less than the $100
million we spent when we went to Africa later that
month.
Michelle: Whatcha gonna do in Sweden?
Barry: Well, I’ll only be there one day. I’m going
to ask the Nobel Prize people to give me a
second
Nobel Peace Prize. Nobody’s ever received more than
one! I’ll go down in history!
Michelle: Yeah, in
Swedish
history! What makes you think you’ll get a second
Nobel Prize? What have you done lately? Hell, you’re
getting ready to bomb the hell out of Syria! That
ain’t peace, honey! That’s war!
Barry: I’m gonna intimidate them with my entourage
of 700 people! And if that doesn’t work, I’ll bribe
them.
Michelle: Maybe that’ll work in Sweden. But are 700
people enough for you to intimidate Putin? He’s a
tough customer! And what’ll you bribe
him with?
All of a sudden, Sasha and Malia enter the room.
Sasha says:
Daddy, I want to go with you. I’ve been talking to a
guy on Facebook, and he lives in Tampa, just a few
miles from St. Petersburg. He’s so handsome! Take me
with you. Please. Pretty please.
Then, Malia says: And I’ve been talking to another
guy on Facebook. He lives in St. Petersburg itself.
And don’t worry. I already broke up with Carlos
Danger.
Michelle: Daddy’s going to a different St.
Petersburg. It’s in Russia, not in Florida.
Sasha bites her lip and leaves the room. She kicks
her dog, Bo, in disgust. Malia, pouting, follows
her. Another kick.
Barry: They’re getting too spoiled. Glad they’re not
going with me.
In Sweden, Barry stays at another huge hotel. About
7 am, he gets out of bed, naked, goes to the door to
get his paper, and it locks behind him. He gets on a
nearby escalator, and it stalls. Panicked, he tries
to dial 911 on the cellphone he has hanging around
his neck. It doesn’t work. (Clueless as usual, he
forgets he’s in Sweden.)
He doesn’t know what to do. He sits there, crying,
till a Secret Service man sees him and leads him
back to his room, where Kal Penn consoles him in
Kal’s inimitable manner.
A couple of hours later, Obama reads an e-mail from
South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley. It said: I know
just what you’re going through. I locked myself out
of the governor’s mansion on September 4, and all I
had on was my robe.
On September 5, Obama and his entourage of 700
arrive in Russia. He meets with Putin for about 15
seconds outside the Constantine Palace.
Putin: Hey, big ears, I didn’t like it when you said
I was a slouch and looked like a bored kid in
school. I hear you didn’t even attend college—you
paid some other big-eared guy to take your courses
for you.
Obama doesn’t respond verbally. Instead, he squeezes
Putin’s hand—hard. Putin squeezes back, and the two
of them try to throw the other one to the ground.
Putin is distracted, and this is long enough for
Obama to take the 2004 Super Bowl Ring that Putin
stole from New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft
in 2005 off of Putin’s finger. Flashing his famous
phony smile, he tells Putin, “I can kill someone
with this ring—maybe
you, Vlad
baby!”
Obama motions for three Secret Service guys to come
to his rescue. While they surround him, he thinks to
himself: This ring will go good with the 1972 Super
Bowl Ring I stole from Nick Buonoconti in August
when the Miami Dolphins football team met with me. I
just pulled the same trick Putin pulled on Robert
Kraft—I took the ring off his finger. And I even
said the same thing Putin said to Kraft: “I can kill
someone with this ring.”
As the secret service guys escort Obama away, one of
them says:
You gonna give the ring back to Robert Kraft?
Obama: Hell, no! And the hell with Jim Langer, Bob
Kuechenberg, and Manny Fernandez! They are the only
three guys from the 1972 Dolphins who refused to
meet with me. Damn conservatives!
Later that night, the Secret Service guy calls his
wife and tells her: This egomaniac is so selfish, he
wanted Buonoconti’s ring more than any other
Dolphins’ ring—because he knew Nick had given it to
his son Marc who was paralyzed in 1985 while playing
college football for The Citadel. But I can’t
confront Obama about that, because I don’t want to
get fired.
Footnote:
President Ronald Reagan said in a speech in front of
the Berlin Wall in 1987, “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down
that wall.” Arizona Senator John McCain said in
September 2013, “Mr. Putin, hand over that Super
Bowl ring!” How times have changed!
Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon is a consultant, speaker,
trainer, and author of 12 books, including
The Way of
the Warrior in Business,
Guerrilla
Deal-Making (with Jay Conrad Levinson) and
365 Powerful Ways to Influence.
Deal-Making contains the 100 most powerful tactics from
365
Powerful Ways—along with 400
countermeasures. There are 121 aggressive tactics,
92 defensive ones, 24 cooperative ones, and 16
submissive ones to get what you want from other
people. Plus 81 dirty tricks to watch out for and 31
tactics to prepare you for your interaction with
them. Download Chapter 1, free of charge, at
www.DonaldHendon.com. Play his free online
Negotiation Poker game by going to
GuerrillaDon.com. Apps will soon be available.