In God We Trust

Obama Crashes the GOP Convention in Tampa—a Fractured Fairy Tale

 

By Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon
DonaldHendon.com
 

It’s Saturday August 25, 2012. The weekend before the Republican Convention in Tampa. Obama’s watching the number one movie in the US, Obama 2016, in the Oval Office. After throwing up a few times, he thinks to himself: Gotta do something to get attention during the Republican Convention next week. Wonder what my schedule is for Monday. Then he yells, “Hey, Biden, get in here and tell me what I’m up to on Monday.”

The obedient lap-dog rushes into the room.

Biden: Boss, you get your daily briefing at 10:15 am. I’m supposed to be there. Thanks, boss. You never include me in the briefings. But tell me why you’re meeting with me and Hillary at 10:45 am. What’s gonna happen then, huh, boss? And why are you inviting me for lunch at 12:30? Is anybody else gonna be there with us, boss?

Obama: Too many questions, Joe. I don’t want to spoil the surprise right now. Anyway, I want to talk to you about how you’re going to mess up the Republican convention in Tampa next week.

Biden: Well, boss, you told me not to go to Tampa at all. I’m supposed to go to Orlando and St. Augustine on Tuesday, though.

Obama: Got a surprise for you. I’m going to Tampa myself on Monday. Flying there, get into my motorcade, and go to the Tampa Bay Times Forum convention center. I’ll get there just before Ann Romney’s speech. I’m going into the building, and the focus will be on me, not on her and her husband.

Biden: Hey, boss, the Republicans moved her speech to Tuesday night.

Obama: Hell, I can’t go on Tuesday. Gotta stay home and watch Last Man Standing on ABC. Just love that Tim Allen. He’s got three daughters and a wife on that show. I’ve got two daughters and a wife. So I can identify with him. Wish I could trade Michelle in for that hot, hot Nancy Travis. What’s her name on the show?

Biden: Vanessa Baxter, boss.

Obama: Well, change your plans. Go to Orlando and St. Augustine on Tuesday morning instead, and then go to the GOP Convention on Tuesday night. Make sure you arrive just before Ann Romney’s speech. I’ll go to Tampa myself on Monday and interrupt the Convention myself.

Biden: What am I supposed to do there,boss?

Obama: Nothing. Just go inside, grab an empty seat, listen politely, then leave. Every time you open your big mouth, something bad happens. Keep it shut this time. But keep on smiling your phony Jimmy Carter smile. The TV network cameras will be on you, not on the people on the stage.

Biden: Hard to keep quiet, boss. As you know, I’ve got oral diarrhea.

An awkward silence. Then Biden decides to say something.

Biden: Whatcha gonna do at the convention on Monday, boss?

Obama: I’m gonna go up to the front stage, grab the microphone from whoever’s speaking and say “Welcome to Tampa. Vote for me.” Then, I’ll leave. A good way to grab everybody’s attention from those two wimps Romney and Ryan.

Biden: OK, boss. Whatever you say. Yassuh, boss.

Obama: And stop using that old-fashioned Negro dialect. You got into trouble with it when you said “Put y’all in chains.”

Biden starts to leave, then turns around and asks: By the way, boss, please, please tell me what you, me, and Hillary are going to talk about at 10:45 on Monday? And what are we gonna talk about at lunch at 12:30?

Obama: It’s a surprise. Now get outta here. You’re starting to get on my nerves.

Biden leaves and Michelle comes in. She says this to her husband:

So you’d like to trade me in for Nancy Travis, the hottie on Last Man Standing. Now I know why you watch that show. It’s not because Tim Allen and you both have no sons and are in a house-full of women.

They argue for awhile. Tired of the usual daily fighting, Obama goes out and plays golf. Flies to Camp David. Gets into his Choomobile. (See my Fractured Fairy Tale of May 28, 2012.) Smokes a few joints. Goes to sleep. He has this dream: 

The Ghosts of Elections Past (Bill Clinton), Present (George W. Bush), and Future (Jimmy Carter) show up, all at the same time. (See my Fractured Fairy Tale of June 20, 2012) They all point to somebody far away dressed in a Mighty Mouse costume. The face looks vaguely familiar. As Mighty Mouse gets closer, Obama recognizes him. It’s Cory Booker, the heroic mayor of Newark, New Jersey. He starts singing, “Here I come to save the day…Mighty Mouse is on his way.”

Obama and Booker bump fists. Then Booker abruptly disappears. Obama asks the three ghosts, “Why did you point at Cory Booker?”

The Bill Clinton Ghost says “You’ve gotta pick Booker for Vice President. Dump Biden. He’s a loser—even his hair implants are starting to disappear.”

The George Bush Ghost says “I’m just here to listen to you Democrats argue. You’re all a bunch of losers—you’ll find out that I’m right on November 6.”

The Jimmy Carter Ghost says “Don’t listen to anything I say if you want to win. I’m the biggest loser of all!”

Obama wakes up. He knows what to do—he’s gonna dump Biden. He’s gonna twist Hillary’s arm on August 27 and make her accept the Vice Presidency. He’s won’t say anything to Biden at lunch that day, because he wants him to go to Tampa on Tuesday and disrupt the GOP Convention. He’ll make the announcement that Hillary’s his VP at the Democratic Convention in Charlotte on September 3.

A couple of hours later, the hurricane shut down Tampa. The Republicans cancelled Monday night’s program and squeezed all the events into three days.

Readers, what do you think Obama will do? Will he and Biden disrupt the Republican convention? Will he pick Hillary and dump Biden? Or will he pick heroic Cory Booker instead? After all, it’s only a fractured fairy tale. Or is it? Stay tuned for more fast-moving events…

 Copyright (c) 2012


 

In Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon’s book, 365 Powerful Ways to Influence, you learn to use 121 aggressive tactics, 92 defensive tactics, 24 cooperative tactics, 16 submissive tactics, and 81 dirty tricks to get what you want from other people—plus 31 tactics to prepare you for your interaction with them. There are many political examples. Learn more about his book at www.Donaldhendon.com. Download Chapter 1 there, free of charge. And watch for his latest book, co-authored by Jay Conrad Levinson. Titled Guerrilla Deal-Making, it contains the 100 most powerful tactics from 365 Powerful Ways. It’s available for pre-order right now at Amazon.com.