In God We Trust

Obama Commits Suicide and Clarence Earns His Wings, Part 1

 

By Dr. Donald W. Hendon
DonaldHendon.com

Obama was depressed. Very depressed. His ego became so big after he got elected president that even he started to believe what he said in his acceptance speech—that the oceans would begin to recede and our planet would begin to heal. He looked at his custom-made gold coin with the words “A beam of light will come down upon you, you will experience an epiphany, and you’ll realize you must go to the polls and vote for Obama.” He carried it everywhere because fed his huge ego. He threw it away in disgust.

But he put on his usual phony Jimmy Carter smile when he got off the plane in Hawaii for his annual vacation. Only Michelle and the kids knew how very, very depressed he really was. Here’s why:

His un-popularity rating was at an all-time high. Even Toronto’s crack-smoking mayor Rob Ford had higher ratings! Obama’s “If you like your plan, you can keep your plan” was picked as the biggest lie, not only of 2013, but of the entire 21st century! Hackers got into his Obama-Scare website. They put Homer Simpson on the landing page. Homer was saying “D’oh!” The Obama-Scare website mangers couldn’t get rid of it using their 3-1/2 inch floppies. The only bright side was his Emmy nomination for best actor—for continuous lying with a straight face and a smile over a six-year period.

Michelle and the kids tried to cheer him up on the flight.  Malia even gave him a hand-made Christmas card showing him and three other presidents on what she called Mount Stupid. It looked like Mount Rushmore. He was there, along with Richard Nixon, Jimmy Carter, and Bill Clinton. Nixon said “I am not a crook.” Carter said “I'll never lie to  you...by the way, I'm a nuclear physicist.” Clinton said “I did not have sex with that woman... Miss Lewinski.” And Obama said “if your doctor voted for me, you can keep your doctor.” But nothing worked.

After he arrived in Hawaii, his speshul-weshul guy Kal Penn tried to cheer him up as they snuggled together in bed that night. He said, “Hey, Barry-baby, you’re like Dumbo the elephant and Pinocchio. The more you lie, the bigger your ears get. And you know how I like to nibble on your ears. Now I have more to nibble on.”

Nothing worked. No nibbling that night!

The next morning, he got even worse news. South Carolina congressman Tom Rice introduced a bill suing Obama for violating Article 2 section 3 of the Constitution. It passed unanimously in the House. Even Dirty Harry Reid got it passed in the Senate. Also unanimously! The bill charged Obama with making a major change to the Obama-Scare Act without getting Congress to approve first. And that’s illegal!

The major change was really a biggie! He delayed the so-called Employer Mandate for over a year, until after the 2014 elections. All these two words meant is that employers with more than 50 full-time employees must provide health insurance to their workers. He delayed the unpopular Mandate without even talking to Dirty Harry or face-lift champion Nancy Pelosi. Their egos were bruised badly. They were so pissed-off, they voted to get rid of Obama—even if it meant that clueless Joe Biden became President.

The next day brought him the worst of all possible news. The judge hearing the lawsuit found Obama guilty and sentenced him to 100 years in jail without possibility of parole. And the Supreme Court upheld the verdict!

That night, he didn’t want anybody’s company—not even Kal Penn’s. He cried himself to sleep, alone. He decided to commit suicide the next day. He had a dream:

The ghost of Nelson Mandela shows up. He said, “Mister President, why don’t you try to emulate me?”

Obama: What should I do, Nelson?

Mandela’s ghost: You could start by spending 27 years in prison like I did. Wait a minute—I forgot. You’re gonna spend 100 years in prison. Sorry. I can’t help you.

Mandela laughed and disappeared.

He woke up, turned on the TV. It was the annual showing of “It’s a Wonderful Life,” that great 1946 movie with Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed. He fell asleep in his chair while watching it on NBC. All of a sudden, he felt a tug on his sleeve. It was Clarence, the Angel who finally got his wings by showing Jimmy Stewart what life in Bedford Falls would be like if Jimmy had never been born.

What did Clarence the Angel say to Obama? See tomorrow’s installment for the answer.

 Copyright (c) 2013 by Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon


 

Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon is a consultant, speaker, trainer, and author of 12 books, including The Way of the Warrior in Business, Guerrilla Deal-Making (with Jay Conrad Levinson) and 365 Powerful Ways to Influence. Deal-Making contains the 100 most powerful tactics from 365 Powerful Ways—along with 400 countermeasures. There are 121 aggressive tactics, 92 defensive ones, 24 cooperative ones, and 16 submissive ones to get what you want from other people. Plus 81 dirty tricks to watch out for and 31 tactics to prepare you for your interaction with them. Download Chapter 1, free of charge, at www.DonaldHendon.com. Play Don’s free online Negotiation Poker game by going to GuerrillaDon.com. Apps will soon be available.