In God We Trust

Obama Becomes a Rodeo Clown and Fights the Fire in Yosemite

 

By Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon
DonaldHendon.com

Obama was getting bored with all his vacations. So was Michelle and their two daughters. They wanted to do something different, something daring.

Obama: Labor Day is next weekend. What are we gonna do? This will be my 5th labor day since I became emperor. I’m bored with my usual vacations. What can I do that’s different? The newspapers say I’ve played 135 rounds of golf in 5 years. I’m fed up with golf.

Michelle: You’re just pissed off because Tiger Woods tried to correct your swing in Palm Beach when Malia and Sasha and I went skiing in Aspen. Your ego is as big as your ears! I’m bored, too. I’m tired of Martha’s Vineyard, Spain, and Africa. Botswana and Senegal really suck! And don’t get me started on Hawaii! Booor-rrring! How did you survive there when you were a kid?

Obama: Lots and lots and lots of pakalolo in the Choom-mobile with my old buddies Bobby Titcomb and Mike Ramos. You know, weed! 

Malia: Mommy’s right. Hawaii’s boring. And I’m tired of Mexico, too, daddy. Those 25 secret service agents you made me take with me on spring break in 2012 didn’t let me have any fun. I wanted to meet the guy I was talking to online, and they stopped me.

Obama: What was his name?

Malia: Carlos Danger. He said he was from Mexico City. I really wanted to know what he looked like. He was a real show-off, but for some reason I never saw his face.

Sasha: Good thing! You’re so naïve. What did he show you?

Malia just blushes.

Michelle: Here’s an idea—why don’t you do something macho for a change? Remember Tuffy Gessling, that rodeo clown in Missouri who wore a mask with your face? You went trick-or-treating with Malia in 2012 wearing a Mitt Romney mask. Why don’t you try being a rodeo clown at the Colorado State Fair in Pueblo? It’s going on right now. It ends on Labor Day. Or maybe ride a bronco with the Romney mask on. You can unveil yourself at the end—if you stay on the horse, that is!

Obama: That’s a great idea. But that’s too soon. Gotta get in training. Do I still have that mechanical bull you gave me for Christmas a couple of years ago? The one I nicknamed Hillary?

Michelle: Yeah, it’s around here someplace, collecting dust. Why did you name it Hillary anyway?

Obama: Because it smelled bad. I thought it was full of shit and you bought it for me as a joke. A pretty good name, huh?

Obama trains for a couple of weeks. He even takes Hillary the mechanical bull with him on Air Force One to Martha’s Vineyard, Palm Beach, Hawaii, and Chicago. Finally, he thinks he’s ready. He calls a family meeting. 

Obama: Well, I think I’m pretty good now. I missed the Colorado State Fair, though. I think I’ll do my bronco-busting at the Texas State Fair in Dallas during the big weekend when Oklahoma plays Texas at the Cotton Bowl. That’s October 12.

Sasha: That’s a long time to wait. Why don’t you do something macho in the meantime?

Malia: Yeah, let’s all go to Vegas for a weekend. We can all go zip-gliding. I’ve been reading a lot about SlotZilla at the Fremont Street Experience downtown. We can get it closed down, and all four of us can do it over and over and over.

Michelle: What’s SlotZilla?

Malia: It’s a 12-story slot machine in downtown Las Vegas.

Obama: Let’s go. What’s another $100 million to the taxpayers? I’m the emperor, we’re the royal family, and they’re already used to paying for our lavish vacations.

Michelle: Yeah, let them eat cake.

So off they go to Vegas. They have fun at SlotZilla. Michelle almost falls off and gets a few bruises. But they’re quickly bored again. Another family conference.

Obama: We’re here in Vegas. Wanna go to the Grand Canyon or Yellowstone National Park? They’re pretty close by.

Michelle: Naw. We did that in the summer of 2009. Nothing special.

Sasha: Hey, there’s a big wildfire going on in Yosemite National Park. That’s right next door in California.

Obama: Yeah, it’s a biggie!

Michelle: I’ve got an idea. You think you’re so macho. You even had hair implants on your chest because your old gay buddies Reggie Love and Kal Penn thought you’d be sexier that way. Why not go to Yosemite and fight the fire yourself? Don’t just inspect it. You’ll look like a sissy that way. Get right into the middle of the action.

Malia: Yeah, daddy. Do it. I just love being close to those big, rugged, macho firefighters. The hell with Carlos Danger!

Obama: Let’s go. I’ll even jump into the fire from a helicopter. I can do anything! Remember what I said on June 4, 2008, “This was the moment when the rise of the oceans began to slow and our planet began to heal.”

Sasha: Daddy, make sure you wear your Mitt Romney mask when you jump. Then when you get on the ground, you can take it off in triumph!

Michelle: Yeah, a great photo opportunity. The secret service guys can jump with you and photograph you from all angles while you’re falling in the parachute.

So the whole gang heads for Yosemite. Obama makes the jump with five secret servicemen taking videos.

Does Obama’s chute open? Does his charisma put out the Yosemite fire? Does his ego put out the fire? Is he burned to death? Is he really able to slow the rise of the oceans and begin to heal the planet? Or is he just a lying egomaniac? Does he ride a bronco at the Texas State Fair? Will Texas beat Oklahoma? Write your own ending, dear readers.

Copyright (c) 2013


 
Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon is a consultant, speaker, trainer, and author of 12 books, including The Way of the Warrior in Business, Guerrilla Deal-Making (with Jay Conrad Levinson) and 365 Powerful Ways to Influence. Deal-Making contains the 100 most powerful tactics from 365 Powerful Ways—along with 400 countermeasures. There are 121 aggressive tactics, 92 defensive ones, 24 cooperative ones, and 16 submissive ones to get what you want from other people. Plus 81 dirty tricks to watch out for and 31 tactics to prepare you for your interaction with them. Download Chapter 1, free of charge, at www.DonaldHendon.com. Play his free online Negotiation Poker game by going to GuerrillaDon.com. Apps will soon be available.