In God We Trust

Obama and Anthony Weiner Get Arrested in Germany, Serve 30 Years in Jail—A Fractured Fairy Tale About ObamaScare

 

By Donald H. Hendon
DOnaldHendon.com

Triggered by: The ObamaScare launch fiasco, and Obama eavesdrops on German Chancellor Merkel’s phone calls, both in October 2013.

Storyline: Obama goes to Germany for Munich’s Gay Oktoberfest festival. German Chancellor Angela Merkel arrests him for eavesdropping on her phone calls. After 30 years, he’s released and learns for the first time how his legacy—Obamacare—went into the toilet.

Highlights: Obama tries to fart and chew gum at the same time, fails. Weiner shows his wiener and gets thrown in jail—twice. Nancy Pelosi’s 101 facelifts. Really funny Obamacare slogans. Obama tells Merkel to give herself a colonoscopy.

3 memorable quotes: “I can’t really walk on water.” “I vill punish you for invading my privacy.” “I had no idea that Angie-baby was so pissed off that she would arrest me.” Plus 25 wild and wooly Obamacare slogans.

Appearances by: Obama,. Anthony (Carlos Danger) Weiner and his wife Huma,. German Chancellor Angela Merkel, Obama’s speshul-weshul guy, Kal Penn,. Michelle Obama,. Kanye West,. Kim and Rob Kardashian,. Joe Biden, Hillary Clinton,. Nancy Pelosi, President John Boehner.

 

In 2043, 82-year old Barack Obama  and 79-year old Anthony (Carlos Danger) Weiner, stagger out of the maximum-security Brandenburg-Gorden Prison in Germany. Both are clutching their release papers. All but forgotten, nobody is there to greet them. Obama’s wife, Michelle, divorced him and married Kanye West a month after he was arrested in Germany in 2013 for eavesdropping on Chancellor Angela Merkel’s mobile phone calls. And Weiner’s wife, Huma, divorced him and married Kim Kardashian’s brother Rob about the same time after he was arrested in Germany—for public indecency, naturally. As they walk together, hitch-hiking to the bus station, both are thinking about what happened when they decided to take a secret tour together of Germany: 

Disguised, Obama and his speshul-weshul guy Kal Penn went to Munich’s Gay Sunday festival during its Gay Oktoberfest to mess around, while Weiner hung around the Hansastrasse part of town, passing out autographed photos of his wiener to pretty girls, trying to get lucky. (Yes, he signed it “Carlos Danger.”) Obama didn’t know that Merkel had been eavesdropping on his mobile phone calls and knew he was coming to Munich.

He thought to himself, “I shouldn’t have come to Germany, but I had heard so much about the Gay Oktoberfest, I just had to come with Kal. I had no idea that Angie-baby was so pissed off that she would arrest me. I shouldn’t have told her to give herself a colonoscopy after she told me ‘I vill punish you for invading my privacy.’ I guess I thought I could do anything—heal the planet, make the oceans recede. I was so dumb. I can’t really walk on water. Hell, I can’t even fart and chew gum at the same time.”

At the bus station, Weiner exposes himself and gets arrested again. Obama looks for an internet connection. He wants to know what happened to Obamacare. After all, he had been in solitary confinement for 30 years. He broke down and started crying when he learned that Obamacare was so bad, people started calling it ObamaScare. He also learned that both the Senate and House unanimously repealed it shortly after Obama was arrested. Even clueless Joe Biden called it a joke, just before he was impeached for stupidity and incompetence. President Boehner made the repeal official by signing the bill immediately. And that’s when the oceans really started to recede—balanced budgets miraculously happened, no more government shutdowns.  

Reminiscing, Obama remembered how Obamacare first started: He was getting nowhere in his presidential campaign in 2008 and figured Hillary would win the nomination. Clutching at straws, he asked his groupies to come up with a socialized medicine plan. They did, he liked it, and it eventually became the focus point of his campaign. Under his breath, he cursed Nancy Pelosi for not reading the bill before she passed it. “I wonder if the witch is still alive” he thought. He googled her and found she had passed away from complications from her 101st facelift back in 2021, just a few days shy of her 121st birthday.

Then, filled with nostalgia, he started looking at some of the slogans he used in a speech he made on October 21, 2013, promoting the Obamacare exchanges:

·       Open for business with several convenient locations

·       The response has been overwhelming from people looking to save

·       It’s a great product at an affordable price

·       Operators are standing by to help you now

·       Listen to how this customer saved $900 a month

·       Just 25 minutes can save you hundreds on your insurance

“How could I have been so stupid?” he thought to himself, sobbing, as he read 25 of the Obamacare slogans that critics came up with:

·       Obamacare—it will be a hard pill to swallow

·       No hiring due to Obamacare

·       Brought to you by the same guy that abandoned our people at Benghazi

·       Health care so cheap we have to force you to buy it

·       Coverage that’s priceless, because we can’t tell you how much it will cost

·       A failed website doesn’t mean we can’t run a national health care system

·       If you hate it now, just wait till you use it!

·       Death and taxes in one convenient package

·       Spending just 45 hours on hold could cost you twice as much for your health insurance

·       15 hours could cost you 115 percent

·       If Obama doesn’t use it, shouldn’t it be called Obama Don’t Care?

·       Obamacare—let’s blame Bush

·       Obamacare—available in all 57 states

·       Don’t worry about the high cost—you’ll be dead soon

·       You’re not in good hands—you’re in government hands

·       With Obamacare, you can die for your country without even leaving home

·       Obamacare: You’re covered—with a shroud

·       Obamacare—you buy, you die!

·       Join Obamacare now—we already know where you are. Signed, National Security Agency

·       Like a nosy neighbor, Obamacare is there

·       Obamacare—the insurance company you can’t keep

·       Because we’re so compassionate, we exempted ourselves

·       The best product you can buy—under penalty of law

·       Obamacare—creating jobs—part-time jobs, that is!

·       Taxed if you die, taxed if you don’t!

Obama couldn’t take it anymore. He was only on the first of 320 pages on the website. He shut off the computer and walked out of the bus station, aimlessly into the night, sobbing uncontrollably.

Dear readers: Please send me some of the slogans you’ve seen. Or make up some of your own. I’ll use them in a future fractured fairy tale.

Copyright (c) 2013 by Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon


 

Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon is a consultant, speaker, trainer, and author of 12 books, including The Way of the Warrior in Business, Guerrilla Deal-Making (with Jay Conrad Levinson) and 365 Powerful Ways to Influence. Deal-Making contains the 100 most powerful tactics from 365 Powerful Ways—along with 400 countermeasures. There are 121 aggressive tactics, 92 defensive ones, 24 cooperative ones, and 16 submissive ones to get what you want from other people. Plus 81 dirty tricks to watch out for and 31 tactics to prepare you for your interaction with them. Download Chapter 1, free of charge, at www.DonaldHendon.com. Play Don’s free online Negotiation Poker game by going to GuerrillaDon.com. Apps will soon be available.