Donald Sterling, Tingle Pants, Doritos, and
Pepsi Max - A Fractured Fairy Tale
By Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon
DonaldHendon.com
Here’s a very complicated preamble to this fractured
fairy tale:
Rochelle Sterling (better known as Shelly) was
pissed off that her 80-year old billionaire husband
Donald, the owner of the Los Angeles Clippers
basketball team. Why? Because she found out he was
having an affair with a 31-year old hottie named Vee
Stiviano. So Shelly sued Vee in March, charging that
Donald gave her 4 luxury cars, $240,000 in cash, and
a house worth $1.8 million.
Shelly put a lien on her house and cancelled
her access to the luxury suite she used to watch the
Clippers games. Vee found out she couldn’t use her
luxury suite anymore when a Clippers employee sent
her a text message. She decided to get even. Here’s
how:
A few weeks earlier, Donald Sterling got very upset
at Vee for posting a photo on Instagram of herself
and Magic Johnson, a black who was a super-star when
he played for the Los Angeles Lakers in the 1980s.
She often recorded Sterling on her iPhone. Why? To
teach him how poorly he came across at times—at
least that what she told the Los Angeles Times
newspaper. So Vee recorded an argument she had with
Sterling in September 2013—the one where he told her
he didn’t want her associating with blacks,
especially Magic Johnson. He made nasty remarks
about black people in general. She gave the copies
of the recording to a few friends for “safekeeping.”
Eventually, the recording fell into the hands of
TMZ, the celebrity gossip-entertainment news website
and TV show. Somebody called 888-847-9869, their tip
hotline and gave them the recording. TMZ posted it,
and the shit immediately hit the fan. The National
Basketball Association fined Donald Sterling $2.5
million, banned him for life from pro basketball,
and asked other owners to make him sell his team.
Instead, he transferred ownership to his wife
Shelly.
Well, the complicated preamble is over. Now, as Vee
said, “Let the games begin.”
Donald and Shelly were talking about how to get out
of the huge mess.
Donald: What am I gonna do, Shelly? I transferred
ownership of the Clippers to you because I want to
keep the team in the family. I trust you.
Shelly: Donnie, you’ve made a lot of mistakes
before, but this was the biggest. I told you that
Vee was big trouble! Why the hell did you tell her
not to associate with blacks in the first place? You
knew she was half-black and half-Mexican, and that
her real name is Maria Vanessa Perez.
Donald: Yeah, that was stupid of me!
Shelly: It’s so stupid that Don Hendon is including
you in his next book,
Dumb,
Dumber, Dumber-est: The Stupidest Business Mistakes
Ever Made.
Donald: Yeah, I’ve heard of Hendon. I’ve read three
of his books,
Guerrilla Deal-Making,
The Way of the Warrior in Business, and
365
Powerful Ways to Influence. They’re all
pretty good. But how do you know that I’m in his
next book on dumb business mistakes?
Shelly, smiling: I’ve got my ways. After all, I
found out about you and Vee pretty fast, didn’t I?
Donald: That’s because you know me so well. After
all, we’ve been happily married since 1955—the year
before Elvis recorded
Heartbreak
Hotel. What did Don Hendon say about the stupid
mistake I made by talking about blacks in front of
Vee?
Shelly: Same old, same old. You’re in Chapter 7,
“Really Funny Dumb Mistakes.”
Donald: I don’t think my mistake was funny. It was
pathetic. But I need cheering up. Tell me some of
the funny mistakes in Don Hendon’s book.
Shelly: OK. Here’s one of them. Ever hear of Tingle
Pants?
Donald: Nope.
Shelly: It was a bikini underwear with a speaker
located in the crotch—so you could
feel the
music, too.
Donald: That’s funny. I’d like to buy two—one for
you, one for me. Got any more examples?
Shelly: An ad for Dodge Excalibur showed a
tough-looking guy walking a huge Doberman dog. He
taunted Tinker Bell by calling her a “silly little
fairy.” Tinker Bell immediately turned the macho guy
into a gay-looking man dressed in a pastel shirt and
Obama-like mom jeans holding several leashes
attached to very small dogs.
Donald: Any sports-related ads?
Shelly: Here’s one that was going to run at the 2011
Super Bowl. But it was pulled at the last minute.
See if you can tell me why? Priests substituted
Doritos for the Holy Eucharist and Pepsi MAX instead
of wine when they gave communion at Mass. The idea:
Mass attendance was dwindling, and the priests
thought giving more flavor to the tasteless
communion wafer, let’s use Doritos. And Pepsi tastes
better than wine.
Donald: Well, duh! Because it offended Catholics.
That’s why.
Note to readers:
Their conversation lasted into the wee small hours
of the morning. That’s because Don Hendon’s
Dumb,
Dumber, Dumber-est book contains 333
mistakes!
Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon is a
consultant, speaker, trainer, and author of 14
books, including
The Way of
the Warrior in Business,
Guerrilla
Deal-Making (with Jay Conrad Levinson) and
365 Powerful Ways to Influence. Jay Levinson recently passed
away. He specifically chose Don to be his final
co-author—the person most qualified to
carry the torch of guerrilla marketing into
the 21st century.
Deal-Making
contains the 100 most powerful tactics from
365
Powerful Ways—along with 400 winning
countermeasures. There are 121 aggressive tactics,
92 defensive ones, 24 cooperative ones, and 16
submissive ones to get what you want from other
people. Plus 81 dirty tricks to watch out for and 31
tactics to prepare you for your interaction with
them. Download Chapter 1, free of charge, at
www.DonaldHendon.com. Play Don’s free online
Negotiation Poker game by going to
GuerrillaDon.com. Apps will soon be available.