In God We Trust

News Flash: Anthony Weiner Doesn’t Run for Mayor of New York, Opens Hot Dog Stand Instead

 

By Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon
DonaldHendon.com

Disgraced congressman Anthony Weiner always wanted to be famous, When he was a little boy in New York, he had a dream that influenced him for the rest of his life. He saw himself sitting in an office at the Capitol in Washington. He thought that was an omen, so he decided then and there to become a politician. His dream came true. And like all politicians who get elected to national office, Anthony Weiner became a famous celebrity.

But he wanted more than fame. He wanted immortality. And he got it, big-time! He showed a picture of his wiener on Twitter to a 21-year old woman from Seattle, and resigned. In 2011.

Right after his resignation, he started having more and more dreams. One night, he woke up in a sweat. He shook his wife and said, “Huma, wake up. I’ve gotta tell you about my dream.”

Huma: Don’t bother me. I’m dreaming about that hot Darrell Issa.

Weiner: That damn Republican Congressman again! Why do you have the hots for him?

Huma: I don’t know. Probably because we’re both Arabs. Now let me go back to sleep.

Weiner: No. Let me tell you about my dream. Obama himself appeared in my dream and told me I should run for mayor of New York. And I’m gonna do it!

Huma: Who’s gonna vote for you? Even I wouldn’t vote for you, and I’ve seen your wiener up close! Not a pretty sight! And not a pretty smell, either!

Weiner: Well, I’m gonna run anyway, no matter what you think. I’ll have to get some funds first.

Huma: Hmmmmmm. Zzzzzz.

Weiner couldn’t go back to sleep. He was too excited. The next day, he started to call gullible companies and other political groupies to raise some funds. All of a sudden, he got a brainstorm! He had to tell his wife! 

Weiner: Huma, guess what companies I’m gonna call first to get money, money, money?

Huma: Don’t know. Don’t care.

Weiner: You’re gonna be so proud of me when I tell you! Here’s a list.

He gave her a sheet of paper with the names of four companies:

Hebrew National Salami

Ball Park Franks

Nathan’s Famous Hot Dogs

Oscar Meyer Wieners

Huma started laughing. She said, “They’d be out of their minds to back you.”

Weiner: You’re the one who’s out of your mind! I’ve got it all planned. I’ll travel the streets of New York in the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile. I’ll eat Hebrew National Salami in all the Jewish neighborhoods. I’ll eat Nathan’s Famous Hot Dogs and Ball Park Franks at baseball games. Think of all the publicity! I’ve got a very famous wiener, and my last name is Weiner. It’s a natural!

Huma: I suppose you’ll enter Nathan’s annual hot dog eating contest at Coney Island on the Fourth of July, too.

Weiner, not catching his wife’s sarcasm: Gee, I didn’t think of that. I’m so glad I married you, honey. You’re an inspiration to me!

Later that day, Weiner went to the office of Nathan’s Famous on Long Island. Here’s what he told his wife when he got home:

Weiner: Huma, you’re gonna be proud of me. Guess what happened today at Nathan’s office!

Huma: Surprise me, baby.

Weiner: They want me! They really want me!

Huma: Well, that’s a big surprise. How much money did you get?

Weiner: Well, they turned me down. But I talked to the head of its Franchising Division, and guess what!

Huma: What?

Weiner: I’m going into the hot dog business. I bought a Nathan’s franchise. Think of all the publicity! I’ll be behind the counter, selling wieners. My name will become even more famous than Nathan’s. And after I get experience in working behind the counter, I’ll start my own franchise.

Huma, laughing uncontrollably: And what are you gonna call it?

Weiner: The obvious. Weiner’s Famous Wiener. And it will have this slogan—the more you eat, the more you want!

Huma: Make sure you don’t put up the picture of your wiener—the one you sent to that girl in Seattle.

Weiner: Hell, pictures of my wiener are famous all over the world. People will come to Weiner’s Famous Wiener from all over the world just to see my wiener and taste my wieners.

Will Weiner run for mayor of New York in 2013? Or will he start a franchise called Weiner’s Famous Wiener? State tuned for another fractured fairy tale, coming soon!

 Copyright (c) 2013


Endnote: Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon is a consultant, speaker, trainer, and author of 10 books, including Guerrilla Deal-Making (with Jay Conrad Levinson) and 365 Powerful Ways to Influence. Deal-Making contains the 100 most powerful tactics from 365 Powerful Ways—along with 400 countermeasures. There are 121 aggressive tactics, 92 defensive ones, 24 cooperative ones, and 16 submissive ones to get what you want from other people. Plus 81 dirty tricks to watch out for and 31 tactics to prepare you for your interaction with them. Download Chapter 1, free of charge, at DonaldHendon.com. Play his free online Negotiation Poker game by going to GuerrillaDon.com. Apps will soon be available.